It had happened. A bleed. A big one. I was taken to the hospital by ambulance.
I think that I have never been nearer to a complete breakdown than I was that night in the ER. Why a bleed now? Even if she had had enough opiates to cloud her memory, my last memory of my mother will be this: not being there for her.
The usual thing, the IV’s, the history, the whole admissions rigmarole proceeded. I told the GI on call that night if I wasn’t going to be scoped in the morning when there may still be a chance of finding the source of the bleed, that I wouldn’t consent at all to an upper endoscopy. The gastroenterologists here have repeatedly delayed up to twenty hours between the start of a bleed and their looking for its source, and then are surprised when they find none. A bleed can stop on its own, and the IV medications, as I have explained before, aid this.
I was taken for the endoscopy at 8:30 or so in the morning.
When I was returned to the room, my husband was there. He had his news, and I had mine. His presence was enough to tell me what his was: my mother was dead.
Mine? The GI who did the endoscopy said that what she had seen was something she could not fix, and neither could her colleagues. I needed to get to a teaching hospital as soon as possible.
I had a stray blood vessel resting over two large varices. Normally, if I understood her correctly, this vessel could have been cauterized, but as it was positioned, there was a risk of burning through the vessel and into my varices, causing a massive bleed.
Things had gone for bad to worse. I was too distressed to be surprised, quite frankly.
So we got in contact with my hepatologist at the University of Alabama in Birmingham about six hours away, and an appointment was set so that he could have a look for himself first thing Monday morning.
Here are the pictures from the July 9 endoscopy clearly showing the problem in my esophagus. I think the doctor said the purple things were large varices that couldn’t be banded because of the blood vessel that couldn’t be cauterized because of its position.
In my next post, I’ll explain how things got worse — again.
*(To catch you up if you are new here, I have Primary Biliary Cirrhosis (or Primary Biliary Cholangitis), and since August 2010, I have had some minor and a some awful episodes of vomiting blood — hematemesis — because of bursts varices in my esophagus. There have been lots of co-diagnoses along the way, from ordinary ulcer upper GI bleeds, to Cameron’s Erosions, to Dieulafoy’s Lesions, but as will become evident, whatever you want to call the spouting body, the source was likely always the same: the portal pressure in my portal vein in my liver measured 15 on July 16, 2015, dangerously high. It is now 2 to 4. More on that later.)